As this is my first blog post here (i wrote this one first, and then published it second), or anywhere rather, i feel as if i should give some sort of introduction. I've been meaning to start one of these for a while now, and now that i am unemployed, and in some sort of funk i figured why not now?
so here it goes, I'm your typical black kid from a middle class white family. I was adopted at a very young age from Haiti and have lived in the united states for 19 years. I've lived in a small town for my entire life, with one exception, when i attended an acting conservatory for a year in New York City. Throughout my whole life I've struggled with my weight, finding acceptance, depression, and a fear of never finding love.
I don't really know why i felt so desperate to join the world of narcissists and start writing about myself publicly. i do find journaling therapeutic, and i think my friends are growing tired of hearing me bitch.
in the last year i decided it was time to change. it all revolved around my 21st birthday. In the winter of eighth grade i cut off all of my hair and went "natural", at first i hated it but i grew to love it and embrace the style that i went on to keep for 8 years. right before my birthday I decided that i needed a change, i wanted to look great in my new license picture so in a rather rash decision I went from my short natural curly hair, to relaxed. (during the year i dabbled with long braids, and while i liked the style, and having hair longer than my chin bone the $200 and the 10-12 hours it took to put in and the indescribable pain it was really not a style that i could keep for years.)
After the hair fiasco I got my first tattoo; a cute symbol four music notes minus the stems (so yes, dots) ascending upwards with a fermata centered over them. ... almost instantly i regretted it. it not that it was an awful tattoo or that I'll ever hate music or my friends it was just that i finally committed to something and that scared me. The four notes on my hip were carefully picked, the first letter of my friends initials, including mine are A, B, C, and D. these three people are the best friends I've ever had the honor of having. I was recently Maid of Honor in A's wedding, D and I just finished designing his first album cover (it's phenomenal - the cover, and the music of course.) and B has been one of my best friends and confidant since we first became friends 8 years ago in the eighth grade.
the most recent change was that i lost my job shortly after the wedding. I went into work, clocked in as usual had a brief two minute conversation with my manager, clocked out, and left the building. i kept my composure, stayed very stoic not letting anyone know that this could have bothered me. I got in my car, called D and told him what happened. he was busy that night, my parents were at work, A was still at the job i had just been fired from, and B was with her girlfriend. I don't have a boyfriend so i drove home and sat in my car and cried uncontrollably for 4 hours (no i did not spend 4 hours crying in front of my house). the last 3 years of my life were spent at that job and being let go was a blow i never even saw coming. 3 weeks later and I'm still upset about not having a job, but I'm not crying which is always a good sign.
This year will probably be about finding a new job, and equally as important finding me. (douche baggy... I know). douche bag aside, this year, I'm doing me.
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